It’s 8am EST and I’m sitting quietly waiting to leave for the hospital. I have a rather rare condition in my upper esophagus that has become an increasing problem for swallowing and choking at the opening of the trachea. It is a surgery requiring at least one overnight at the hospital, followed by several days of liquids and “soft” foods while the site in the esophagus heals.
This condition, which developed over the last year, is something I had not anticipated. But it means that I will not be posting for a week.
I have been trying to meditate more frequently to receive spiritual support as I experience increasing anxiety about the surgery. Surgery is always a risk, and in the throat, it gets somewhat delicate and dicey. My difficulty in meditating seems to be the tension literally between body and spirit. As much as I intentionally focus on contact with my Guides, my awareness of my physical self pushes itself forward to dominate. This tension has been a constant battle in adulthood, and more particularly since my spiritual awakening.
Having been an ordained minister for thirty-five years, I had assumed that I was somehow “blessed” with a constant contact with the Company of Heaven. Last Fall I really did wake up. Ordination, I found, has had little to do with protection from the body/soul tension and everything to do with the continuous awareness of being a life consciousness experiencing a physical body with drives, needs, “ego!” and the programmed beliefs, attitudes, and habits that have been developing since before before birth.
So surgery today is an imminent prospect that activates the reptililian portion of the brain into survival mode. There is a saying that nothing focuses your thoughts more than the prospect of your possible demise. This is where my heart-mind is kicking in to counter such a primitive (but necessary) instinct.
Heart-mind (spirit) is Me. I am not the body. It is merely the physical vehicle for this 3rd Dimensional experience. I am a part of Source, at One with I AM. The feelings and emotions of my physical self is a key connection with Spirit. This knowing at this moment triggers a deep feeling of love and gratitude for the complete and unconditional acceptance/belonging to God, my creator Father/Mother. I cry as I feel my ancestors and Angel Guides surrounding me with immeasurable love, compassion, comfort, strength, Light, and Life.
It is time to go now. Have to be at the hospital two hours before surgery, for all of the admission, and pre-op that has to take place. Beginning another experience in this life, not knowing for sure what lies beyond the anesthetic sleep. But my Guides have been indicating that I have more to do, more to experience in this incarnation. What is it going to be like to Ascend in body AND spirit? That is what I desire to experience. That is what I came here for. But first things first. Let’s get this surgery out of the way.
HERE WE GO! Talk to you later (?) in this infinite moment of the eternal Now.